This
site is a personal development & webcomic mashup, starring Monk
Mojo as the "Dull Blade". 
Thursday
22May
Observations of a Bus Driver: E Book Trilogy Preview
The
last seven years I’ve had the wonderful experience of being a city bus
driver. During this time I have written thousands of meticulous notes
detailing the nature of human beings. Over the last year I have
categorized, summarized, simplified and removed any meaningful context
from this body of work, thus making it perfect for a blog post. The
implication for personal development growth is staggering.
Keep in mind that each one of these revelations below will be expanded into a chapter in my upcoming E book trilogy that will cost only $29.95(ea)
[ordering details at the end of this post, relax]
Communication:
Most people do not like most other people, but this does not deter them from trying to communicate with each other.
The more you pretend to listen to someone the more they will talk at you.
Many people don’t care if you are listening or not.
People think they are special and don’t hesitate to ask for special treatment.
People often ask questions they already know the answer to.
Compliments are normally forced and mean something else.
It is best to tell people exactly what they want to hear. The wronger the better.
People take much pride in informing you of the obvious. The obviouser the better.
The most interesting conversations are the ones people have with themselves or an apparition.
You cannot convert someone to Christianity on a bus ride.
People that look you in the eye, say hello, and smile are NOT to be trusted.
Happiness:
Old people hate life.
Old people raising their grandchildren hate life more.
Young people aren’t sure if they hate life yet.
Single mother life-hate increases exponentially with each child.
Disabled people hate life almost much as old people.
Mentally challenged people are generally happier than regular people.
High people are happier than drunk people.
Children are like mentally challenged, high people.
Families that ride the bus together, suffer together.
People with no job are happier than people with two jobs.
There is always enough money for beer.
Miscellaneous:
People think they matter and are somehow relevant to your reality.
The multibillion dollar fashion industry has failed America.
People wear Tshirts in the winter and coats in the summer. Yes, some are the same people.
If you are going to wear a Tshirt that says something, stop moving around so everyone can read it.
It is impossible to be a cool dude or hip chick on the bus. Think about it...you are riding the bus.
Everybody loves a good car wreck.
Pre-order your E book trilogy today for only $29.95 today!
E Book 1 – Dude, Where’s My Bus Pass?
E Book 2 - Zen and The Forgotten Art of Hygiene
E Book 3 - The Apocalypse Is Running Ten Minutes Behind Schedule
Related Reading:
Check out Jonathan Mead’s article on the dangers of taking your personal / productivity development too seriously.:
The Cult of Productivity & the Art of
Purposeless Living
Keep in mind that each one of these revelations below will be expanded into a chapter in my upcoming E book trilogy that will cost only $29.95(ea)
[ordering details at the end of this post, relax]
Communication:
Most people do not like most other people, but this does not deter them from trying to communicate with each other.
The more you pretend to listen to someone the more they will talk at you.
Many people don’t care if you are listening or not.
People think they are special and don’t hesitate to ask for special treatment.
People often ask questions they already know the answer to.
Compliments are normally forced and mean something else.
It is best to tell people exactly what they want to hear. The wronger the better.
People take much pride in informing you of the obvious. The obviouser the better.
The most interesting conversations are the ones people have with themselves or an apparition.
You cannot convert someone to Christianity on a bus ride.
People that look you in the eye, say hello, and smile are NOT to be trusted.
Happiness:
Old people hate life.
Old people raising their grandchildren hate life more.
Young people aren’t sure if they hate life yet.
Single mother life-hate increases exponentially with each child.
Disabled people hate life almost much as old people.
Mentally challenged people are generally happier than regular people.
High people are happier than drunk people.
Children are like mentally challenged, high people.
Families that ride the bus together, suffer together.
People with no job are happier than people with two jobs.
There is always enough money for beer.
Miscellaneous:
People think they matter and are somehow relevant to your reality.
The multibillion dollar fashion industry has failed America.
People wear Tshirts in the winter and coats in the summer. Yes, some are the same people.
If you are going to wear a Tshirt that says something, stop moving around so everyone can read it.
It is impossible to be a cool dude or hip chick on the bus. Think about it...you are riding the bus.
Everybody loves a good car wreck.
Pre-order your E book trilogy today for only $29.95 today!
E Book 1 – Dude, Where’s My Bus Pass?
E Book 2 - Zen and The Forgotten Art of Hygiene
E Book 3 - The Apocalypse Is Running Ten Minutes Behind Schedule
Related Reading:
Check out Jonathan Mead’s article on the dangers of taking your personal / productivity development too seriously.:
The Cult of Productivity & the Art of
Purposeless Living
May 22
Reader Comments (17)
OMG, this is one of the funniest things I have read in a looong time.
My most interesting conversations are indeed with myself, or my doppelganger. So true.
I've always wondered how you come up with some funny s**t and now I know. You use to be a bus driver. Imaagine driving around the city with all these people who are always with you and yet you are all alone with your thoughts.
Ok, enough of this BS...You slay me man!
"People often ask questions they already know the answer to". I hate when they do that. It makes them look so ignorant.
Great and funny post. As a bus driver I'm sure you have seen it all.
ROFL :)
Interesting stuff Kudos to you :)
This is hilarious!!!! I am so glad I stumbled onto you today!
And, I am thrilled to have you as an advertiser on the Fatigue Be Gone Blog. I am just writing about the health benefits of smiles & laughter and I did both within 15 seconds of landing here! Your work is energizing!
Keep up the great work and I'll be sending my friends over here!
Viveca
@Vered: Thank you, but you really should consider laying off the sugary drinks.
@Deb: It’s a small parallel universe after all; my doppelganger is on the same bowling league as your doppelganger. You probably knew that.
@Chris: LOL! You had me going there for a second.
@Barbara: Yep, that one baffles me to no end.
@Ken-G: Thanks! Love the tagline on your gaming site: “For whom the battle matters not the victory”
@Viveca: Thank you, means a lot coming from the “energizer” blogger! Lots of helpful tips there.
The more and more of yourself you show, the more I admire your genius. Seriously, Monk.
Your aphorisms are hilarious due to both their absurdity and their truth. I miss riding the bus...
The sheer genius of this post is in the second sentence: "Over the last year I have categorized, summarized, simplified and removed any meaningful context from this body of work, thus making it perfect for a blog post." That's shit hot - it's scary that you're getting better and better.
Brought me right back to my days of commuting in Boston! I love the observations! So, so true! And nice to find someone who doesn't take himself too seriously...or is that "whom"??? Great post! I'll be back!
etta
Charlie,
You are forcing me to examine how to handle an extreme compliment from someone I know and respect. Perhaps someday you can write a post to help me work through this.
I’m glad you think I’m getting better. I’m definitely getting more comfortable blogging. It will be fun for me to continue to evolve in this space, but I don’t know how that will translate in regards to putting stuff out that people enjoy. All dogs are cute when they are puppies.
Etta,
The candor and writing skill you display on your blog about depression is awe-inspiring. I’ve battled depression of varying degrees since I can remember. My interest in humor has been somewhat of an anchor for me. As you mention on your blog, blogging indeed helps. (I can’t help but think that you are “on to me”.) I am having much fun, and focusing on this blog keeps my mind from wandering too far down.
Brilliant post, far above the usual commentaries people write.
Bengo
http://redmenace.synthasite.com/
Hi Bengo,
Thank you. Your political comic aimed at the erosion of democracy in Russia is funny as well as educational; I encourage folks to have a look.
I LOVE IT!!! To much truth for the world are you ready for that??? HAHAHA
This made me laugh. You certainly do have the knack for that, but I am sure you must already be aware that what you put out brings a smile to those around you. You are a brilliant man. Enjoy and blog more often.
People that look you in the eye, say hello, and smile are NOT to be trusted. Remind me never to do this.
As a bus driver, you sure have made a lot of very cutting observations about life and people. I'm impressed. Some of what you wrote are pretty true!
All the best with your book!
Stumbled as always!
Evelyn
@Evelyn: Thank you!